November 16, 2009

Sometimes I wonder which of us will get married first. I think it will be Carolyn. I mean that's always been a quite real possibility. Also, so far she's the only one who's been in a serious relationship before. The rest of us are just killing time. The girl that sits next to me in grammar is married. She got married at 19. Said her husband's name is Conrad and they didn't move in together until after the wedding. I can't imagine not living together beforehand. I couldn't do that. I'm too anal about details to be okay with small petty stuff like not refilling the ice tray. That would cause a divorce in my household. Or maybe it wouldn't? I guess I forget that when there is love, nothing else matters. Everything falls to the wayside. Love is so baffling to me. I found out today that after I join the Honors program I'll have to write a 25 page thesis on literary analysis. I should write about love. I could crank out 25 pages on the thematic analysis of love. I would include charts and graphs too. This is reminding me of a Death Cab for Cutie song. I can't recall which one. I lost the Transatlanticism CD a while ago; but today I found my copy of 'In Rainbows' by Radiohead. I also found "Nightwood," the book I've been looking for for a week. My memory's been terrible lately. I've been really terrible lately. I've don't eat and I'm not hungry. I don't sleep and I'm not sleepy. I haven't done any school work and I'm not worried. It feels like I'm not in control, yet at the same time, I'm fully in control. It feels like there are two people living inside of my body. One of them is always full of energy and ready to gogogo. The other is always sad and just wants to lay down and die. Both of them are always butting heads. Neither of them has been in love before. I need love to mellow me out and liven me up. I also need a date to Carolyn's future wedding ;]