December 8, 2009

Tonight it is snowing and snow always triggers a great wave of nostalgia for me. So instead of sitting here writing my term paper, I'm sitting here listening to "Talk About" by Dear and the Headlights, drinking cold tea, and thinking about a whole plethora of random memories. Today, instead of studying for the math test I bombed, Cory, Kapo and I got to talking about how everyone in college is so wild and we're not. A small part of me wants to be wild and crazy, but in reality that's not who I am. I know it's stupid, but I'm a Charlie (Perks of Being a Wallflower, anyone? Read it!) and that baisically means that I think too much in order to participate in all of these "normal" activities. You can sit me down and make me watch porn, but I'll just sit and be sad and think about the people in the video who were once babies and had mothers who probably loved them a lot and wouldn't want them doing what they're doing now; and how the whole industry traps women into these stereotypes, and how there's so little solidarity among feminists and why this is all just awfully sad. I guess I'm too emotionally involved in everything. That doesn't mean I can't have fun, though. I have so many great memories and none of them involve sex or drugs (though many do involve Rock and Roll). I remember the time Kapo and I ate our Biology lab instead of using it to build a DNA strand. I remember the time Jo and I built a snow ramp for our sleds and she ended up doing a 360 flip in mid air. I remember the time Victoria and I made a watery paste from the berries that grew in her yard and tried to feed it to her dog. I remember that after we left Meghan's party, we all decided to go to Playland for an hour and ride the roller coasters at night. I remember the time Michelle and I trekked the Black Cow Coffeehouse for one of Anthony's shows, and how we got yelled at by a conductor for not knowing where a train's engine is located. I remember the time Kristen and I went swimming in Do's pool and after 20 minutes of coaxing her into the water she decided it was "so cold she couldn't see," and how we laughed about that for hours afterward. I remember all the bus rides home from Yearbook with Nia, and how a simple croissant and a stupid Dr. Pepper were the most comforting things at the end of those stressful days. I remember the time at the Nature Center that the python peed in his tank and I was the first person at work that day and had to figure out how to keep an 8 foot snake from drowning in his own urine! I remember 10th period study icees, and last period study Hot Fries. I remember all those afternoons and weekends spent at Jeena's and Namitha's houses perfecting the Senior Medley. I remeber the time my entire 4th period Art class collectively burst into tears because we were all stressed about applying to college. I remember the time Emma and I drove home from the diner singing along to Brand New at the tops of our lungs. I also remember the time Emma, Kapo, Nick, and I drove home from the beach screaming along to Brand New at the tops of our lungs. I remember the time we got kicked out of Target for racing in the carts; and all the times we got kicked out of the City Center just for standing still too long. I remember meeting Max in the back of Barnes & Noble. I remember trying to break into Kristen's house with a prayer card. I also remember having to go to Church with her, while being covered in blue marker penises because we both thought it was washable. I remember all those moments that made me laugh so hard it hurt, and cry so hard it stopped hurting. I remeber all the times that made me sit back and think about how perfect everything was. How I was so happy that if death decided to take me right then and there, I would be okay with that. I think that's what it's all about, in the long run. I think that when I am on my deathbed, watching the snow fall quietly, I will think about all of these memories and feel content. That is all that really matters in the long run.