January 8, 2010

I feel like I am scared. I am scared of how sad I have become. People always say it's not a problem until it begins to interfere with your life. Like, it doesn't matter if you drink 3 bottle of Jack a night, as long as you can function. I used to be able to function. I can't function anymore. I feel like I live in this body and I can't control it. I feel like I'm sleepwalking. I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to think this was just passing teenage angst bullshit, but it's starting to overwhelm me. I can't connect with people. I can't feel them anymore. I feel like I'm fucked up beyond belief and I don;t know how to get help or where to start. I feel so trapped here. I feel like I can't get away from this life. I don't want this life anymore. It just makes me angry. I get so very frusterated. I can't even articulate how I feel. I'm not even sure that this even qualifies as feeling...